Road Trip

Spent the day in Montreal and New York State today. Stopped in Montreal to visit my uncle's friend's cafe and have a great little meal. Then went to the border people in New York State to get a special card that allows me access to the US in a commercial vehicle without the same delays some people might face. They know a remarkable amount, those homeland security people. I have been deemed a non-threat to their national security after a lengthy and detailed background check and two interviews. Speaking of which, did you hear about Hillary Clinton coming under sniper fire while she was taking a dump this morning? Oh, hang on. She lied about that, coming under sniper fire. I once came under sniper fire. The guy kept missing by a mile so I started taunting him. Oh, hang on. That's complete bullshit too.
The lawsuit research is coming along well. You get a doctor who betrays patient doctor confidentiality like Dr. Phil did to that poor train wreck, what's her name? Britney. That's it. You get a doctor yapping like that and you're looking at some pretty good money.

Vancouver In A Week

One week today I buy a one way ticket to Vancouver. Claudia is returning for a visit shortly after I get set up out there. A Colombian husband is no longer an issue. So, you see my desire to expedite this process?

Overnights

Just past 4 AM and the traffic lights blink their indifference to me. I ponder my next endeavour as fatigue washes over me with a chill. When who should join me over the airwaves but ol' Neil. And you just know everything will be OK for another day. I am feeling very Bukowski of late.

Well, I dreamed I saw the knights
In armor coming,
Saying something about a queen.
There were peasants singing and
Drummers drumming
And the archer split the tree.
There was a fanfare blowing
To the sun
That was floating on the breeze.
Look at Mother Nature on the run
In the nineteen seventies.
Look at Mother Nature on the run
In the nineteen seventies.

I was lying in a burned out basement
With the full moon in my eyes.
I was hoping for replacement
When the sun burst thru the sky.
There was a band playing in my head
And I felt like getting high.
I was thinking about what a
Friend had said
I was hoping it was a lie.
Thinking about what a
Friend had said
I was hoping it was a lie.

Well, I dreamed I saw the silver
Space ships flying
In the yellow haze of the sun,
There were children crying
And colors flying
All around the chosen ones.
All in a dream, all in a dream
The loading had begun.
They were flying Mother Nature's
Silver seed to a new home in the sun.
Flying Mother Nature's
Silver seed to a new home.


Dirk Hugecock may ride again shortly. There's another romance novel surfacing from these late nights.

Final Amigo

'Any word on the lawsuits?'
'My brother got a guy 25 grand in damages this week. Fucking Canada with its maximum award settlements.'
'Still not bad.'
'It's a start. Plus I have two coming so that's 50 grand. I've been doing some research. There's good money in health care suits. Say someone puts false info on your health records, cha ching.'
'You're researching lawsuits?'
'I am. I once saw a doc on a guy who made his living winning contests on US broadcasters. Radio and TV contests. He would speed dial them all and win the cash. I'm going to do the same thing with filing suit against people and companies.'
'Could be risky business.'
'Then we'll take things up a notch after I win. I'm not going after big oil money or the police or something. Just people. And maybe a hospital employee.'
'What else?'
'Banks. Say someone discusses your banking info or even accesses it without reason.'
'Cha ching?'
'Yup. And that's four. That's a hundred grand, Amigo. You can retire in some countries with that amount of money.'
'Is that the plan?'
'No. But not by choice.
'Why's that?'
'You remember Claudia?'
'Remind me.'
'She's the one in the photo called 'Mi Amor' on this blog.'
'Oh, yeah, Claudia. Where'd you meet her again? What about her?'
'We met up at Whistler. It was pretty funny, actually. Not my finest hour.'
'And yet she keeps in touch?'
'Once you've had Pat... Seriously, she left her husband, finally. She wants to come up for a visit.'
'To Ottawa?'
'No. Vancouver.'
'What's the first thing you're going to do when you get out there?'
'Check my bags at the airport in a locker and then go pay a visit to someone.'
'What about the Church?'
'What about it?'
'For a lawsuit? What about the Church?'
'Mother. Load, Amigo. We practice on the small fries, then we hit Jesus, Inc.'

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These Amigo dialogs are feeling very old to me. I need a new dynamic to practice with.
My screenplay (Kim) is coming along. The initial idea for it is based on exchanges I have had with a homeless woman here in Ottawa. I have an idea for a very Candiana TV series I plan to write after I finish with 'Kim'.
My friend Claudia has left her husband and is coming to see me in Van when I get out there.
My current employment circumstances are so bad they're funny. Even this job is better than being unemployed.
I do plan to file suit against two people and several entities. My brother did get a guy that money this week.
My hometown hockey team was beat out of the NHL playoffs this evening. They lack enough apex predators on the team. Having a junkie goalie playing the race card for half the season probably didn't help the locker room mood either. Roberto Luongo is coming to Ottawa because his wife won't tolerate raising their kid in Vancouver. She wants to come back east. Montreal is locked up for goaltending. Ottawa will have a shot once they get him in place. I will be in Montreal again this Friday. Damn fine town, Montreal. Especially in summer. You get all the jazz festivals and such going on.
I am returning to Vancouver for a lot of reasons. If I had a family to consider I would in all probability raise the children in Ottawa. Since that isn't a concern and doesn't appear that it will ever be a concern I am going to live in a city that offers at least the potential for accomplishment in a field I plan to put my energies towards. Ottawa is a gorgeous little city but there is very little opportunity here except in government or high tech employment. I am ill suited for government work to say the least. High tech will be a part of my life after I get that student to design those web sites I have ideas for. I'll maintain the sites. Plus, skiing is one of my joys of life. The West has the best options that way in Canada. There's just more to do there for someone in my circumstances.

Playoff Hockey

Playoff hockey is in full swing here in permafrost country. My home town team don't have a prayer.

A Jeans Museum

You build a small museum dedicated to the jeans garment. From the earliest developments created by cow rustlers to the thousand dollar varieties in stores now. Phases of jeans fashion. Jeans worn by famous parties at moments people are aware of in pop culture. Jeans from that guy in the Subway subs ads when he was heavy. Jeans from Shaq. Jeans musuem.

Pooper & Scooper

Neighbour's dogs in photo. I live in an area where people put up flyers on telephone poles thanking people for helping them find their lost pet. There were flyers all over recently thanking people for helping in the search for a lost cat. The cat made it back home safe and sound and the owner wanted to thank everyone for their efforts in the search.

Amigo Gets Personal

'YOU'RE getting into online personals?!'
'That's what I said.'
'This I gotta see, Amigo. What do you write in your profile.'
'So far it's: Like everyone else who checks out these sites I just want to get fucked. Never spoken a word of French but sound like I have a French accent while speaking English. Have odd fetish for hairy toes. Please send photos. If anyone even infers homosexuality on my part I will punch them as hard as I can right in the face. That includes you. There is one more thing potential dates should be aware of. I believe the term is 'water sports'. I'm kind of tight right now so return bus fare will be on you.'
'Any takers?'
'None. It's only been a week.'
'Throw in something about that judge being full of shit.'

Amigo See The Light

'What's the deal with the Coke ad?'
'I sold some space on this blog.'
'Shut up. You did not.'
'I did.'
'How'd you do that?'
'You verify the number of hits a site gets then just approach potential ad clients and try and sell them a bit of space.'
'How much did you get?'
'Five hunderd bucks is five-hundred bucks.'
'Just like the porno in Tokyo.'
'Watch the language. I've already spent the money. Don't want them taking it back. Hang on. I have to read something.'
'Be young. Have fun. Ingest carcinogenic products made with slave labour?'
'Language, Amigo. Here it is. 'Always Coca Cola.''
'What'd you spend the money on, toothpaste and a Thai whore?'
'Funny fuckin' guy, Amigo. Don't ever lose that humour.'
'You sell out fuck. What happened to mister anti-corporate?'
'Everyone grows up, Amigo.'
'Let me guess, you want to travel again.'
'No. It's kind of depressing but I have no real desire to travel right now.'
'Why depressing?'
'It feels like losing a friend. I just feel like staying in one area for a while.'
'Just not Ottawa.'
'Amen to that.'
'Where to then?'
'As crazy as it sounds I think I may be heading back to Vancouver shortly.'
'Why would you possibly do that?'
'Let's just say my heart's out there. And there are some people I haven't seen in a while I want to go say hello to.'
'Why depressing that you don't want to travel any more?'
'It's like giving up beer. For a long time before I actually quit I wanted to quit but didn't. Losing the boozing was like losing a best friend. The prospect of not having two or four black out drunks a week depressed the hell out of me. Not wanting to travel sort of has the same feeling to it.'
'You've lost me.'
'Wouldn't be the first time.'
'What are you going to do with the money from the ad?'
'I have ideas for two web sites. Real sites, not blog silliness. I don't have the web design skills to get the sites up and running so I'm in talks with a student to put it together. For a small fee. She wants to pad her portfolio so it works out for both of us.'
'Who gets ownership?'
'My lawyer is free, Amigo. Remember? Nobody's gonna screw around with regards to copyright or any of that.'
'How are the slander lawsuits coming?'
'Open and shut. Funny how people think I'm joking about that.'
'Frivolous Lawsuits Are Us?'
'It's how I make my first million.'
'How'd the test drive go in Montreal?'
'You know the cables that go from the tractor to the trailer on a big rig truck?'
'I guess so. Always wondered what they do.'
'They supply power to the brakes and the signal lights. I forgot to attach them and started to pull the truck away.'
'Not good?'
'He was nice about it but I knew I was screwed. Still did the test drive. With brakes and signal lights. Driving seventy-five thousand pounds through downtown Montreal in rush hour was the most challenging driving I've ever done.'
'No go?'
'Not a chance. I'm thinking... Vancouver. Again. Very shortly.'