Cont'd from '50 Bucks Is 50 Bucks'...
'Fire a fork across the room or something.'
'Could we not, with the paranormal requests?'
'Oh, so you show me what you did on the train and I'm not supposed to get excited?'
I sigh. 'I have to be in the mood.'
'Give me one more little show and I won't ask you again.'
I look around the Mexican restaurant. Two waitresses talk together as they roll cutlery into napkins way across the room.
'You see those two over there?'
Amigo looks. 'You going to make them strip?'
'BOring. No. I'm going to tell you what they're saying.'
Amigo listens. 'There's no way.'
'You doubt? Fifty bucks?'
'No. I'll never bet you again. Just show me.'
I send out energy towards the waitresses.
'Gay and doesn't know it.'
They both look towards Amigo and me.
'Which one?
'On the right.'
'Fuck him before he figures it out. He's hoooooot.'
'He's huge. Look at those hands.'
I sigh and snap the connection.
'They were commenting on how attractive the Jewish guy sitting with me is.'
Amigo laughs. 'Another Jewish comment?'
'I'm sorry, Amigo. I'm sorry for calling you a Jew. You're not a Jew.'
'Yes I am. I am a Jew.'
'No you're not. Sorry.'
'I am...' Amigo laughs loudly. 'Where's that from again?'
'SouthPark. Funny as hell.'
'What were the waitresses saying?'
'They were commenting on how attractive they found you.'
'Really?'
'Wanna bet?'
'Right. So what are you going to do now?'
'I'm going to try driving big ass trucks. Ride all over with a baseball bat and a REPUTATION.'
Amigo laughs.
'How'd it go with Han?'
'Tan.'
'Tan.'
'She's wonderfully complex.'
Amigo is interested. 'Details.'
'Her parents are both Chinese. She was born in Indonesia. She lives just outside Seattle. Near Microsoft. Currently holds American citizenship. Speaks four languages fluently.'
'Shut UP.'
'She wants to try and start a family. Grow with someone.'
'Did you mind melt that stuff out of her?'
'No, no. I would never. That would be like cheating at football or something. No fair. I got what I told you of her from our time together.'
'Where'd you meet again?'
'We met on a chairlift up at Cypress.'
'Good story.'
'I hope to tell the grandkids one day. She's kind of got a hold of me. And she knows it.'
Our waitress arrives. We order Tacos and Cola.
'What about you?'
'I'm meeting a woman named Satomi for lunch tomorrow.'
'Nice!'
'Could you...'
'What? Tag along and tell you what she's thinking?'
'No, no. But, any suggestions?'
'Ummmmmmm. OK. Once you know her a bit, tell her you've had one Japanese girlfriend before. Just one and just for a short time. Then ask her what 'iku, iku' means.'
'What does it mean?'
'I'm cumming.'
Amigo processes. Then laughs too loud.
'You said that?!'
'Last time I dated a woman from Japan I did.'
'What happened?'
'Few hours later I'm fumbling around looking for my leopard skin thong to put back on.'
'Jesus. There's an image I need with Tacos on the way.'
'Speaking of which, I'm into serious 'butts a wigglin' territory with the weight. I jiggle when I walk sometimes.'
Amigo laughs again. 'You're just used to being bone rack thin.'
'It doesn't feel right having this weight on me. I feel a little off all day. I want my abs back.'
'Back to my date tomorrow. Are they that way? Japanese girls?'
'There's no generic to apply here.'
'But in general?'
'You're hoping I say yes so you think you have a shot. You can't generalize. I will say that Japanese women have the nickname 'Yellow Cab Girls'.'
'Why?'
'If you know some of the subtleties of the culture it doesn't take much and you're in a yellow cab to a hotel with them, is the reputation.'
'Shut UP.
'You're saying that too much.'
'What about Chinese girls? Han?'
'Tan.'
'Tan.'
'You're asking me to generalize on a billion and a half people.'
Amigo sits and ponders. 'Right.'
'Right. Got a joke for you.'
'Shoot.'
'Why do Chinese girls wear a tampon when they skydive?'
'Kind of, eating, here.'
'C'mon. Why?'
'Why?'
'So they don't whistle on the WAY DOWN!'
I slap one knee for effect. Amigo spits his Cola out his mouth he's laughing so hard. The waitress comes over with napkins. As soon as she leaves...
'I made a porno in a Tokyo hotel one night.'
Amigo puts down his Taco and stares at me.
'Shut...'
'Don't.'
'Fuck OFF.'
'I did.'
'Are you trying to kill me with all this stuff today?'
'I speak the truth. It's online. I saw it.'
'How much did you make?'
'Five hundred bucks.'
'Five hundred bucks is five hundred bucks.'
'You read my mind.'
'Does Tan know?'
'Funny first response, Amigo. She probably sees everything going on on my computer. She's a tech at Microsoft.'
'So you and her haven't?'
'She's being delightfully coquettish.'
'And you like that?'
'It's a nice change, to be honest.'
'It's never boring with you, Pete. Never. Fucking. Boring.'
Amigo eats again.
'How do you end up making a porno in Tokyo?'
'You'll have to buy my book to hear that story.'
'Oh, yeah. Any leads on that?'
'Still trying. It'll kick. Matter of time.'