'Ever seen one?'
'What?'
'A demon.'
I ponder. 'Not when I had a clear head.'
'So, before?'
'Oh, all kinds of things went on back then.'
'But for real? Ever see one for real?'
'Amigo, I would give my left nut to have a genuine supernatural experience. See an alien spaceship. A vampire flashes her fangs at me on the bus. Anything. I am soooo into all that stuff and I get nothing that way. Never have. Then you get the non-believers and they get stoves coming on by themselves, chairs spinning around the middle of the room, all kinds of things.'
Amigo considers. 'Me neither. How's the Mandarin coming?'
I laugh. 'I sound like two ducks fucking but I'm getting it.'
'Why are you learning it?'
'Tan. Well, her parents.'
'They're Chinese?'
'No, they're Lithuanian. That's why I'm learning Chinese.'
'You're a funny fuckin guy, Pete. Funny, fuckin, guy. We should put you in a cage and sell tickets.'
I laugh. 'I want to be able to converse with her parents in their first language when we meet. Indonesia is fascinating.'
'Do tell.'
'Muslim country with a large Chinese population. The Chinese tend to be wealthier. So there's a resentment towards them from the Muslim population.'
'Pissed off Muslims. There's a stretch.'
I put down my Cola. 'If I had soldiers occupying my country I'd be plenty pissed too.'
'True.'
I pretend to remember. 'There have been a few things go on over the years, though.'
'I don't follow.'
'We were talking about demons. There's been a couple of things that were strange.'
Amigo sits up. 'Let's hear it.'
'Like, there's this one time. I'm standing at the first urinal in a row of about five of them. I'm taking a squirt when I sense this strong presence to my right. And then the urinals start to flush on their own. You know how they do that?'
'It's automated.'
'Probably. So they start at the far end and I can feel the presence coming towards me and the heat/motion sensitive urinals go off one by one, coming in my direction with the presence.'
'Did yours go off?'
'My what?'
'Your urinal. Did it flush?'
'Nope. And then the weirdest thing happens.'
'What?'
'I hear in the washroom, in the worst British accent, a guy says, 'Give us a kiss, Governor.''
Amigo just looks at me. I can't control myself and start to laugh.
'Fucker.'
'I had you!'
'Yeah, you did.'
'There's the rub of it. Anything that has ever happened to me had an explanation.'
'Except on the train this morning.'
I smile evil. 'Shelly was one of my students. We've hung out outside of class.'
Amigo understands. 'Fucker! The bet's off!'
I laugh. 'The one right beside us was Kazumi or Koizumi or something. She's in the same class as Shelly.'
'Why'd Shelly blush?'
'Because she has a boyfriend and she never thought she'd see me again. She pretended to be formal with me for Kazumi's sake, so she wouldn't get any ideas about us having spent time together.'
'You're paying for lunch!'
'We'll go fifty-fifty.'
'What about the porno?'
'In the shape I'm in right now? I'd have to pay them.'
'What about Tan? Is that all bullshit, too?'
'No. Swear on my eyesight. That part's all true. I'm just having fun with dialogue, Amigo. Honing my craft. I do it all the time with people.'
'I'll keep that in mind. Joe thespian.'
'Joe writer.'
The End
(I did spend the day today with Tan, in the world outside of Blog fiction. wo hen hao, xie xie)