Quotes Of The Day

'Hillary Clinton was already president of America once.'
50 Cent

'Welcome to the neighbourhood, your fucking majesty!'
East Vancouver activist greeting the always lovely and former separatist Governor General on her recent visit the Canada's worst neighbourhood.

'The Mongolian Spot'

Justin didn't know about the Mongolian spot. He didn't even believe me when I told him about it. You see, every woman from certain places in east Asia has a dark area in her most delicate region. Beauty marks the spot.
I found out about the spot completely by accident. A woman I worked with told me about it. I expressed disbelief to her at first. So she showed me. Since she could have been an isolated case I did some checking on my own; research of a sort. It turned out she was telling the truth. Every woman I spoke with confirmed the presence of this mark on her body.
How was it regarded, this beauty mark they all shared? "Like a toe," said one woman I asked. "Or an elbow." What if someone was born without it? "She wouldn't care." Would other people care? Would she be shunned? "No. Not by sane people." Ah, there was the rub. When was cultural shunning sane?
My curiousity eventually turned to the men. Did they have a similar spot in their delicate regions? "No," I was told by several women. Could these women be trusted regarding this? Maybe the male Mongolian spot was some sort of Asian fraternal secret.
I had to ask some of the males. But how? How could I possibly broach this subject with them? "Excuse me. Do you have a dark beauty spot in your nether regions? Do any of the other males in your family?" It just wouldn't do.
I decided to try and catch a glimpse on my own. The gym downtown was frequented by possible male candidates for the Mongolian spot. Nothing was revealed as a result of my research efforts in the locker room. "I'm doing genetic research!" fell on deaf ears when one fellow caught me searching for the spot. Testy.
There was no choice but to ask a few of them. Out with it. One fellow shook his fist in my face. Settle down, clown. Several more gave me nervous smiles and kept walking in silence. One kind chap laughed hysterically at the question. "No. No spot on man. Only woman have this." He even offered to prove the point at his apartment just around the corner. "Thank you, no."
Justin eventually conceded defeat on the issue. He did some research of his own. My methods were comical to him. "Outside a coffee shop?! You're asking men walking by about their genitalia?!" I'm not sure if I agree that I was lucky not to get arrested. Research is research after all. No matter how it's carried out.

'Going Out to Cali'

I have an interview next week with a Montreal based carrier (trucking company). If all goes well and I don't kill anyone during the test drive for them I will be running Montreal to California starting next Friday.

Her bikini, small
Heels, tall
She said
She liked
The ocean

Screwed It

Ever see Terminator 3? You know the scene where he has the crane stuck straight out sideways and he's taking out everything in his path to one side? I thought of that scene during my recent test drive during a blizzard in a very built up area of Montreal. Clipped the sidewalk making a right turn. Overshot a corner turning left and went up on the curb a bit that way. Ah well. There are literally a million more where they came from.
My new friend Fan informs me she won a national math contest in China. She beat out... gimme a sec here... like... 600 million other people.

Snow Day

Self portrait during a recent snow day here in Ottawa. A friend already explained how the hat looks but I like it.

Montreal in the Morning

I am off to Montreal in the morning to test drive for a potential employer. I have to manipulate a 75 foot, 80, 000 pound vehicle with a tester sitting beside me in order to get the job. That will be a first. There is a very good chance that I will be working out of Montreal in the coming months. I. Love. That. Town.
I am starting to spend time with a woman named Fan. She is originally from China. She promises to teach me how to cook Chinese food. Maybe I'll teach her how to hip check properly in hockey. A poutine cooking lesson has been suggested. She was giving me Mandarin lessons. I said I absolutely had to know how to say, 'Alright everybody, this is a robbery.' 'Give me all your money.' And, 'You! Stay down!'

Trucker's Log

Trucker's Log. Stardate January, 11, 2008. I have just passed the practical part of my driving test. I am now legal to drive anything on the roads except a motorcycle. I road test on Monday at a major carrier with operations out of Montreal, among others. Looks like I'm going to Montreal.

Puppy Should Get The Chair

HOUSTON - A Houston-area man was killed in a hunting accident after his dog stepped on a loaded shotgun in the back of a pick-up truck, triggering a blast that pierced the vehicle and the hunter's leg, a local sheriff said.
Perry Price, a 46-year-old math teacher, shot a goose on Saturday then put his gun in the back of the truck where the dog was waiting to retrieve the bird.
"I've been in law enforcement 20 years and this is probably the strangest one I've had," said Chambers County Sheriff Joe LaRive.
Investigators found paw prints and mud from the dog, a chocolate Labrador retriever named Arthur, on the shotgun, LaRive said.
Price was taken to a local hospital, but died from a loss of blood after doctors were unable to revive him.

Cold

It is extremely cold in this part of the world right now. I take transit before dawn during the week. Any moisture quickly freezes on the windows into beautiful crystal patterns. I frostbit my left big toe while playing outdoor hockey back in high school. It is always the first part of my body to let me know how cold I am getting. The discomfort really starts when it begins to thaw out. Your face starts to feel strong pain if you get caught in a wind in this temperature. Only two more months of this, in this part of the world. Thankfully, my upcoming employment will be taking me to parts unknown.

http://www.ardmod.com/